


The Lost Journey

by Leura



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bilbo Remains In Erebor, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Amnesia, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt Bilbo Baggins, M/M, Thorin Feels, a bit of humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-29
Updated: 2018-12-29
Packaged: 2019-09-30 02:09:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17215037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leura/pseuds/Leura
Summary: When Bilbo awakes in a dark stoned room, next to him an elf and a wizard, he doesn't really know what to think of it. When said wizard then starts to call some dwarfs in, Bilbo is somehow lost and speechless.In which Bilbo loses his memories and Thorin isn't there to help him at first.





	The Lost Journey

**Author's Note:**

> My first Bagginshield and also the longest thing I've ever wrote. I hope I didn't mess it up to much.

When Bilbo awakes in a dark stoned room, next to him an elf and a wizard, he doesn't really know what to think of it. When said wizard then starts to call some dwarfs in, Bilbo is somehow lost and speechless. 

The last time he met this wizard was in Bag End when he told him about an adventure, which Bilbo really didn't want to be part of. 

So it's incomprehensible to him when three unknown dwarfs happily jump into the dimly lit room to greet him excitedly. One of the dwarfs, with dark brown hair under a dark fur cap, hugs him tightly and tells Bilbo how happy he is that the Hobbit has awake. Another older one with full white hair looks like he is about to cry and the last one with a bald head, just looks worried.

“Bofur let go of our Hobbit before you hurt him!” The wizard, Bilbo remembers that his name is Gandalf, pulls the dwarf, obviously Bofur, off him. 

When Bofur stands next to the white-haired one, Gandalf begins to speak again. “How do you feel, Mister Baggins? They must have hit you very hard, since you slept for so long.”

The bald dwarf looks even more concerned than before. 

“What? What do you..mean..eh..who..how..how long have I slept?” Bilbo doesn't know what to ask first so he starts with what seems to be the most troubling thing for the others in the room. 

The bald one is the first to speak. “It's been a week since they knocked you down. For your own bad luck, you hit the ground first with your head too. We weren't even sure if you would wake up again.” 

He says the last part softer, with more concern and Bilbo's heart skips a few beat because of that. Did he just said that Bilbo could have died? What is this for a place and how did he came here? 

“Dwalin stop it! I never doubted your awaken Bilbo. Anyway, does your head hurt?” Gandalf looks angrily over to the dwarf while he speaks to the Hobbit. 

Now, after Gandalf mentions it, Bilbo notices that he has a headache. His forehead and a spot on the back of his head hurt especially bad. When he tries to touch the spots, the elf says, “I wouldn't do that. There are still wounds. It could hurt badly if you touch them.” 

The elf nods to Gandalf and stands up. “You should rest for at least a week before you do something physically again. I'll leave him to you, wizard.” 

He leaves and Dwalin turns to Gandalf. “The King will not be happy with hearing that the elves help us!” 

“He will life with it. Especially after they saved so many of his peoples lives and Bilbo's of course.”

Gandalf smiles at the Hobbit and Bilbo is just really confused about everything.

“You should rest, Master Burglar! Fíli will come soon to see you and I believe that Thorin also will wake up soon and meet you. Have a good night.” 

And with that, the wizard pushes the other dwarfs out of the room. Some of them yell that they are happy to see Bilbo again and he believes that the white-haired dwarf has started to cry after he got pushed through the door.

Bilbo is alone in the dark room again, not sure if it's day or night outside. And still very confused and scared by the whole situation. He doesn't even want to think about the reason why Gandalf called him a Burglar. 

–

Two days have passed when Gandalf comes to visit Bilbo again. This time he only brings one dwarf with him.

The dwarf with blond hair and a big nose sits down next to Bilbo on a chair and smiles warmly. Gandalf stands again and watches. Bilbo sits up on the bed.

“I'm glad that you're awake Bilbo. I couldn't come earlier, the elves wouldn't let me out of my bed. How is your headache doing?”

The dwarf smiles soft again and Bilbo looks at the giant bandage on his chest. The Hobbit wonders what happened to him.

“It's fine. I just needed to rest a bit more.”

Bilbo looks between the dwarf and Gandalf when he nervously asks, “But could you please tell me who you are?” He speaks slowly, insecure if it is polite enough. 

The dwarf blinks silently for a few seconds before he looks to Gandalf who is equally shocked. 

“What do you mean with that question, Mister Baggins? Do you forgot his name or who he is in general?”

Gandalf's face is suddenly very serious. And the dwarfs face is full of fear. 

“I mean...I .. just...I don't know who he is.” Bilbo's voice is small, maybe just a whisper.

“Fíli would you please find one of these healer elves. I'm afraid our little Hobbit is more hurt than we thought.”

The dwarf, Fíli, stands up, looks worried at Bilbo and leaves than without a word. 

“Should I know him?” Bilbo plays nervously with his fingers.

“It would be better if you do. Say, did you even recognize any of the dwarfs from the last visit?” 

Gandalf sits now where Fíli before sat, his face worried.

“No, I do not. I was about to ask there but I had no chance to.” The Hobbit looks to the blanket under his arms. 

“But I do remember there names after you called two of them. Dwalin and Bofur. And you told me then that Fíli would come too. I just didn't know if the dwarf now was Fíli or Thorin.” 

Gandalf nods ruminative. “So you don't even remember Thorin. It's worse than I though.” 

The dwarf together with an elf enter the small room. The elf immediately lays a hand over Bilbos bandage and studies the Hobbits head.

“Unfortunately I believe that he has amnesia. Tell me Hobbit, what is the last thing you remember before you woke up?”

All of them stares tensely at the little Hobbit when he says, “I was walking into my house in the Shire after Gandalf appeared in front of my garden gate.”

Everyone looks at him dumbfounded. Silent spreads in the room. 

“Bilbo...” Fíli voice is only a whisper.

“That happened twelve months ago.” 

The Hobbit his scared again. It's been twelve months. He had forgotten the whole last year!

“I can do nothing against that. It is up to you, if you want to remember.” The elf leaves Bilbo with Gandalf and Fíli alone. 

“What does that mean, it's up to me? Will my memories not come back?”

“They will, if you want them to. If you want to remember us.” The dwarf looks sad, as if he was in pain. 

“Fíli could you please let us alone. I would like to talk to Mister Baggins about the past and you too need to rest and heal.”

Fíli nods and leaves silently. Bilbo immediately feels guilty for not remembering him. The dwarf seem so sad and harmed.

“Bilbo do you know where you are?”

“I believe somewhere where dwarfs live but I don't really know, no.” 

“This is Erebor, my dear friend. A kingdom which is currently healing after a dragon and a war.” Gandalf's voice is soft as if he is scared to frighten the Hobbit. 

“Wait here was a war? And a dragon? How comes that I am here?!” Bilbo is indeed frighted.

“You wanted to come and help. There is a contract with your sign on actually. I just don't know where it went.” Gandalf stares at a wall, deep in his thoughts. 

Simultaneously, Bilbo puts his blanket to the side and stands up shakily.

“Where do you thing you're going Bilbo?” Gandalf stands up as well to help the Hobbit to stand. 

“Home! I'll leave. An adventure is nothing for me and as far as I know it only brought me injuries!” 

Bilbo tries to reach his backpack, but his legs are to weak to hold him up. He would have fallen if the wizard hadn't hold onto him so tightly. 

“Sit down Hobbit! Your injured. Let yourself rest. Believe me you should stay. There are things you need to remember.”

“But I don't want to remember a war! I'm sorry for the dwarfs, I really am but I don't see a reason to remember such a horror!” 

Bilbo sits down on the bed again. Gandalf only looks at him thoughtfully.

“Don't say things like that before you meet all the others again. Some of them meant so much to you. And you still mean much to them. So stay, till you are healed and hopefully Thorin will wake up by then too.” 

Gandalf nods distracted and gives Bilbo warning glance. Bilbo breathes heavy out and nods.

“Good! They will come an visit you from time to time. They are your friends Bilbo, remember that!”

And with that Gandalf leaves the Hobbit alone again in this small windowless room. 

–

The recovery week is over pretty soon but Bilbo finds himself still stuck in a kingdom from which he doesn't remember anything of. 

In this week some of the dwarfs visited him often and told him about the past months and there journey together. Bilbo also learned to know Fíli and Dwalin better. These two often come to talk to him or just to keep him company. Fíli mostly sneaks into Bilbo's room because he would get into trouble if someone finds out that he wasn't in is own room to rest. 

Fíli is still badly wounded and needs more rest than Bilbo, but the dwarf seems to deal way better with his injuries than the Hobbit does.

Bilbo also met Balin and Bofur again, but these two seemed really sad that Bilbo has lost his memories, so Dwalin always sends them away, when they are about to cry. The Hobbit feels bad for that but he can do nothing to comfort them.

Dwalin told him a lot about there adventure and how Bilbo saved the company a couple of times. For the little Hobbit, all of the dwarf's stories sounded ridiculous and not like an experience a Hobbit should go through. 

–

When Bilbo is able to walk through the kingdom, Nori shows him everything and tells some restoration stories. The dwarf once came together with Dwalin and brought him some food. He was apparently the only one who still knew that Hobbits ate more than three times a day. 

Bilbo also visits Bombur sometimes. He is often in the kitchen to prepare some meals for the injured. The pudgy dwarf hugged Bilbo so tightly when he first met him, that the Hobbit believe he would be squashed by him.

–

Another week has passed and the Hobbit's wounds are healing perfectly, says the elf. But there will still be a mark on his forehead. 

Bilbo helps Bombur often in the kitchen or is strolling with Fíli around the kingdom. The young dwarf's wounds healed fast and now he is either with Bilbo or sitting beside his brother since he awoke in the middle of the week.

His name is Kíli and he makes as much fun as his brother. But he isn't able to walk now, his injuries are way worse than Fílis were. He needs to rest a lot. So Bilbo and Fíli sometimes stay with him for the night. 

Kíli couldn't believe that Bilbo has lost his memories. He cried as well and tried to tell the Hobbit all the things they did together but Bilbo couldn't remember anything of it. 

–

When Bilbo tells the company that he wants to go back to his home, since nothing here really leads him to stay, they are shocked. Balin says that he can't leave without meeting Thorin. That Thorin was somehow important to the Hobbit. 

Gandalf tells him the same over and over again. He always says that Bilbo will gain his memories back when he talks to Thorin. But the dwarf King is sleeping since the war. Sometimes Bilbo thinks that he will not wake up again. 

Also, the dwarfs don't like to talk about the war. No one tells Bilbo how he got his injures or even just how it started. The only thing he knows is that he was there as a Burglar to steal something from a dragon. And this was horrifying enough for the little Hobbit.

–

It was in the late afternoon, when everything in the kingdom stood still because Thorin Oakenshield was awake again.

Bilbo is somehow excited to meet the dwarf everyone was talking about. For the Hobbit is this still the first time even if Thorin will not be happy to hear that. 

Bilbo thinks a lot about how he should greet him. Should he just be silent and smile or should he tell the King that he does remember nothing of there shared journey?

Bilbo feels bad about that often. It isn't his fault that he can't remember at least something. In fact, he doesn't even really know why he lost his memory or how. Someone hit him. That's it. 

So when he and Gandalf are standing in front of the King's door, Bilbo is nervous. He heard that the King is in a bad condition and needs to rest more than just a lot. One of the elves, who were still here, said that Thorin had unbelievable luck an that he must have really wanted to life.

Fíli opens the door from inside and smiles weak at Bilbo, as if he is afraid of what will happen. He steps back and invites them in with his hand.

“Thorin! I was afraid that I could never see you as a king!” 

Gandalf laughs friendly and Bilbo smiles shyly. The Hobbit places himself silently next to Fíli. 

Thorin leans against some pillows in his bed. His long black hair lays behind his shoulders,  
allow Bilbo to look at a tired and weakened face. Yet, it is the most beautiful thing Bilbo saw in years.

“Gandalf, I am no willing to give up after I came so far.”

He breaths heavily and Bilbo feels the urge to hold him.

“Bilbo, I'm glad that you're fine, I don't know what I would do without you.”

Something in Bilbo's heart hurts badly when Thorin says his name. He doesn't know what he should response without knowing anything about what happened after they arrived in Erebor. 

Thorin considers Bilbo long. Their eyes meet but Thorin goes on to the scar on the Hobbit's forehead.  
His eyes turn sad, somehow afflicted.

“I must apologies Master Burglar. You got hurt because of me. Fíli even told me that you fell asleep for a week.”

Bilbo feels fear growing inside of him. What if Thorin knows that Bilbo doesn't remember anything?  
Does he even care about that? Maybe Thorin isn't interested in Bilbo. His heart hurts again.

“Our beloved Hobbit suffers from much more than just a scar, Thorin.”

The King's eyes grow in fear that Bilbo is more hurt than he could see now.

“But I insist that you rest first. Bilbo will of course stay in Erebor.” Gandalf smiles at Thorin and than at Bilbo, who just watches him silently. 

The Hobbit doesn't know what to say. Something inside of him wants to stay. Wants to talk more to Thorin. But something else wants to go back to the Shire. The dwarfs may be his friends by now again but this isn't his home. A Hobbit shouldn't be in a dwarf kingdom.

But still, there is hope in Thorin's eyes that Bilbo doesn't want to destroy. That he can't destroy. So he will stay, for now at least.

–

It's been two weeks since Thorin woke up. In the meantime has Bilbo met the rest of Thorin's company and learned to love them all again. He may not remember the journey but he knows the others stories very well by now. And he finds himself a lot thinking about how it must have been for him there. 

Bilbo walks through the corridors of Erebor when he meets Thorin, who is walking with a stick as support. 

The Hobbit smiles softly, ignoring the fast beats of his heart. Thorin smiles weak back.

“Master Burglar, I thought about you a lot. I wanted to apologies for what happened.”

Bilbo looks to the ground. The other never told him what happened with Thorin and him but they all looked hurt and worried about this memories. Bilbo wishes that he would now why. 

“Thorin I...I need to confess something to you.”

He struggles with his words. Thorin looks at him interested, as if he was hoping to hear something specifically.

“I don't know for what you want to apologies.”

Bilbo's voice is small and his eyes look away from Thorin. But the King looks at him confused.

“What do you mean Bilbo? I want to apologies for what I did to you while I was sick.” He speaks the last word with clenched teeth. 

“No I mean... I don't remember it. It's all gone. I lost it when I got hit.”

Bilbo plays with his fingers while looking to the ground.

“This is what Gandalf meant when he said that I suffered from more than just scars.”

Thorin opens his mouth, but closes it again without saying anything. He just watches the Hobbit silently. 

“Would you like to walk with me for a bit?”, is what finally comes out of the dwarf together with a warm smile. Bilbo nods and walks next to the King through the corridors.

“Do you only forgot...me or all of us?” 

Thorin's voice is filled with insecure and hidden worries. Bilbo still can hear it.

“I don't remember the others too, but they told me everything about the journey. They only skipped the part with Erebor and the war. They refused to tell me what happened there.” 

Bilbo grumbles a bit about the other dwarfs and Thorin watches him thoughtfully. 

“So you don't know what...I did?” Thorin doesn't look at Bilbo. He just stares at the way ahead of them. 

Bilbo gets nervous. He doesn't feel like something bad happened between them, but he feels the urge to apologies for something he can't remember.

Thorin stands still and turns to the thoughtful Hobbit. His ice blue eyes meet Bilbo's and the dwarf pulls him into a tight embrace, which the Hobbit immediately returns without even knowing why. The dwarf's deep voice hums in his ears.

“If I tell you what happened, maybe you will hate me. Maybe you will not forgive me and I couldn't live with that. You mean too much to me for that, Bilbo.”

A shiver runs down Bilbo's spine when Thorin stops speaking. The Hobbit is not able to think clear, to really think about the King's words. What Bilbo says only weakly reaches his own ears.

“Please Thorin, tell me what happened. I don't believe that I could ever be able to hate you.”

Bilbo feels warm around Thorin, calm. He may not remember what was between them before, but his heart wants something from the dwarf. He can feel how it beats faster around the King.

Thorin lets go of him and steps back to look into the Hobbits eyes. Bilbo meets his gaze. 

“Can you promise me that?” The King's voice is low and full of sadness Bilbo doesn't understand why.

“Yes, of course. I won't hate you or anyone else.” Bilbo's eyes are filled with warmth and care for the dwarf King, who smiles weak at the Hobbit for his answer.

“Than let me show you something.” With this, Thorin starts walking again. Bilbo follows quickly. 

They walk into the King's crown hall. A room which the Hobbit hadn't entered before. The floor was a narrow way towards the throne, that allows a great view over the hall full of gold underneath them. Bilbo shudders by this view. Something inside of him doesn't like it. As if it is bad for both, Thorin and Bilbo. 

The dwarf walks slowly to the throne and looks at the shining stone above it. 

“That's the-” Thorin starts to say. “Arkenstone” Bilbo finishes his sentence. 

Thorin looks at him thoughtfully for a while before he speaks again with a soft smile on his lips.

“Of course, the others must have told you about him.”

In fact, the did not. No one told him about this stone and Bilbo doesn't know why he knows the name. But that's nothing he tells Thorin, instead he just nods. 

“It's the heart of this kingdom, the most valuable treasure inside of this halls.” Thorin looks down to the mountains out of gold. His eyes filled with fear and regret. And when Bilbo looks down as well, he could swear to hear the king screaming at someone because of the stone. Yet, Thorin remains silent and weak in front of him. Bilbo thinks, that he must have imagined it but something inside pulls on him. Something makes him worried of all the gold and the Arkenstone.

“What happened?” Bilbo clenches his hands to fists while he speaks. Something is in the back of his mind. Talking to him. Screaming at him.

“I got sick and you wanted to help me.” Thorin's gaze meet Bilbo's again. The King's eyes are sad and the Hobbit wonders what Thorin can find in Bilbo's.

“You just wanted to help me and I...I thought that you betrayed me. That you stole it from me!” Thorin bites his teeth together and looks from Bilbo away.

Bilbo remembers the feeling of shock and disappointment inside of him. As if something went different than he thought. As if something broke his heart badly. And when he looks at Thorin, he feels tears running down his cheek. 

Thorin seems in pain when he looks back to the crying Bilbo. He comes closer and tries to reach the Hobbits face but stops right before his fingertips touch the soft skin on Bilbo's cheek.

“I did wrong to you. I'm so sorry Bilbo.” He whispers his words and the Hobbit sees a tear running down Thorin's face. 

Bilbo reaches his hand out to wipe it away without thinking about it. His own cheek touches Thorin's fingertips as Bilbo moves closer to Thorin him.

The Hobbit still doesn't know what happened with him after Thorin thought that he had betrayed him. But it doesn't seem to matter. The pain in his own heart from seeing Thorin crying is enough for him to know how bad it was for them both. He doesn't want to know it. Bilbo just wants to pull Thorin in his arms and never let him feel pain again. 

So this is what he does. Bilbo steps forward and pulls Thorin in. The dwarf returns the embrace of course and whispers apologizes into the Hobbits ear. 

“Why does it hurt so much to see you in pain?” Bilbo buries his face in Thorin's black hair when he speaks and the King hugs him tighter.

“Maybe because deep inside you, you remember what I said before all this happened.” Bilbo gets goosebumps when Thorin speaks so close with his deep voice.

And again, something inside Bilbo pulls on him. Screams to him how important Thorin is. How much he means to the Hobbit. His heart skips beats and he hears the dwarfs voice in his head ringing. Words he doesn't heard from Thorin now. Words that feel somehow very familiar to him. 

Bilbo leans his head back, watches Thorin's face closely. The dwarfs eyes are filled with warmth and love. But the Hobbit can still see the hidden insecurity and fears behind all that blue. 

One of his hands lay around Thorin's neck and plays with the dark hair there. The head of the king automatically comes closer to the Hobbit's. Bilbo can't stand the space between them. It doesn't even feel wrong to close it. As if this wasn't the first time it happens. 

But it does feel intense. Thorin's lips are warm and somehow well known to the Hobbit. This is definitive not there first time kissing. Bilbo knows it.

He remembers it. When he first met this lips with his own. Here, in Erebor. Before the gold made Thorin sick. In his head, he heard the dwarf's words again. So lovely, so honest. Bilbo feels his heart beating as fast as it did then.

But he also remembers the great pain he felt when Thorin banished him from the mountain. 

The hobbit cries harder. Thorin holds Bilbo's head in his hands when they stop kissing. The dwarf leans his forehead against the Hobbit's, whispers apologizes over and over again.

“Stop it! Please just stop it. There is nothing to apologize for.” Bilbo sobs and Thorin stops it.

“Bilbo you know what I feel, right?” The Hobbit hears the little sob while Thorin speaks.

“I know what you said after Smaug disappeared. I remember it Thorin, I remember it!” He cries louder, but this tears are more out of joy than from pain.

Bilbo hears Thorin laughing with relief before the dwarf kisses him again and again. 

–

When he tells the others that he has his memories back, they start crying again and happily embracing him, almost crush him with there hugs.

Gandalf smiles happily and also knowingly. The wizard always told him that everything will be fine if Bilbo just stays and hell, he was right with that!

Bilbo likes the warmth of Thorin's arms around him. He likes to see that the dwarf King is fine and that his wounds heal perfectly. But Thorin always looks concerned at Bilbo's scars, scared that the Hobbit might still be hurt.

The Hobbit then always leans his forehead against Thorin's and whispers how much he loves him. And that makes Thorin happy. 

Bilbo doesn't understand how he could thought of leaving Erebor. This is his home. Even without his memories this place was his home.


End file.
